Mum pens gut wrenching essay on what it's like to grieve a child: 'Raw. Raging. Ugly.'

Picture: Facebook
Picture: Facebook 

Losing a child is the greatest of all fears - unimaginable, terrifying and often unspoken.

But not all parents have the luxury of it being a?concept - for some?it's a devastating reality. The heartbreaking experience has been gut-wrenchingly captured by author Georgia Hansen, who lost her baby girl Amelia to stillbirth.?

Titled 'What it's really like to be a bereaved mother' Georgia begins by reliving her first few days of life without her daughter, saying how she would awake at 2am to feed her newborn, or worry where she was, only to be hit with the reality 'there was no baby to feed'.

Instead, she'd stare at the empty bassinet and wonder how - and why - this had happened to her.

And how simple errands were now fraught with new triggers.

"I remember venturing out to the shops for the first time, innocently entering Kmart on a mission to get what I needed and get out, only to find myself walking through the newborn baby section and suddenly smashed in the face by the view of baby girl clothes," she writes.

"Having to stand there for a few minutes and catch my breath which had somehow stopped, and once the breathing started again calling my best friend and without being able to utter any words, she just listened and let me cry. I remember how it felt to be heard and have my heart held in that moment."

And the pain and insult of having to shoulder the reactions of others.

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"I remember walking into my boys' school and having the groups of mums watch me walk in?and turn their heads away. As if my life changing catalytic event was something they shouldn't dare acknowledge. I'm sure it was well meaning to ignore me, to turn the other cheek. I'm sure it was just because they had no words," she continues.

"So I kept walking, head down, sunglasses covering my eyes that were red raw and hurt from tears and feeling ignored."

Even the radio could suddenly rip her grief back open, when songs played at her daughter's funeral randomly played.?

"Sometimes the emotions were too much and I would switch it off. Other times I let it be the release of tears I needed.?My boys got used to hearing the songs and let me drive along in silence while tears fell slowly down my cheeks."?

Describing her grief as both 'sadness, pain, raging, raw, vulnerable' she said being a bereaved mother was also 'courageous, brave, beautiful, magic and grace'.

"It all exists together. It's a forever thing. I'll never not be an angel mama, just like I'll never not be a mother.?I'll also never not be grateful for the honour of being the mother of an angel, an ascended master, who was never meant to take a breath. Her mission was too big for earthside. That doesn't make it easy. It just makes it what it is."

Her post, which was also shared on the Facebook page Memories of an Angel?resonated with many, prompting other mums to share their own losses.?

"As a mother who has lost babies to miscarriage and also lost a child ... It's the most gut wrenching loss to ever have to live through.?We belong to a special club where no one wishes to be and we sure don't wanna wish others to join us," shared one.

"Looking too long at other people's babies or not being able to bear looking at them at all other days. So many parts in the journey of a bereaved parent. And time doesn't heal it - it just becomes part of you. Some days it's just easier to hide it," added another.

"This resonated so much with me, all so familiar, like I wrote this myself. Thanks for sharing," added a third.?