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'I'm not ashamed to say, I have empty nest syndrome and I'm living with it'

By Jason Williamson|

After nearly 23 years of changing nappies, sleepless nights, the challenging teenage years and meeting the girlfriends for the first time, the kids are finally out of the house, but instead of a sense of freedom and tranquillity, the silence was deafening, and I felt sad.

I was finding myself wandering aimlessly to distract myself from the silence. For a moment there, I was looking at my kids' photos repeatedly, going into their bedroom just to walk around, and as tragic as it sounds, I would even buy dinners for four, even though there was no one at home to share the meal with.??

At first the emotions were heightened and hard to process. I was beginning to think I was depressed or starting to develop symptoms of an undiagnosed mental health concern. I reached out to my GP and told him what I was experiencing. After unpacking where I was at, he smiled and said, "It sounds like you are experiencing empty nest syndrome." I stared at him, puzzled, and said, "Say what?"

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Jason Williamson
Jason Williamson with one of his four sons. (Supplied)

According to many health professionals, empty nest syndrome refers to the grief that many parents feel when their children move out of home. It is not a clinical diagnosis, but an emotional experience that parents and caregivers grapple with. You may feel a loss of meaning and purpose, and anxiety about your children's welfare.

When the children were growing up and heading into adolescent years, I started 'preparing' myself for the poignant moment when they say they are moving out. When you are telling them to clean their room for the 5280th time, through pure frustrations, you daydream about the day you never have to say "I'm not asking you again. Clean your room!" again. Ah, the wishful bliss!

I have spent so much time focused on raising the kids that I forgot my own interests. The question I kept asking myself repeatedly was, 'What am I going to do now?'

While caring for your children and watching them grow and evolve from toddler to young adult, you try your best to prepare them for independence. You get annoyed when they tell you they know best, but you secretly grin while growing confidence they will do OK out in the world. But when it happens, it's kind of the opposite.

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Jason Williamson
Williamson's GP told him he has empty nest syndrome, which usually affects women as they are often the primary caregivers. (Supplied)

I miss having the kids stomping through the house, grunting at you when you say "Good morning!" or trying to defuse the drama between the boys fighting over the game controllers. I miss the awkward conversations about safe sex or finding out my shoes were missing when I see them walk out the door on the feet of my 16-year-old son.

I have spent so much time focused on raising the kids (or failing parenting school... I will let the kids decide that), that I had forgotten my own interests. The question I kept asking myself repeatedly was, "What am I going to do now?"

According to Better Health, empty nest syndrome is more common in women, who are more likely to have had the role of primary carer. Well, let me tell you something, empty nest syndrome does not discriminate and can affect any gender.

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I have been the primary carer, and the void is real. Still, to this very moment, there is not one single day that passes that I don't think about my four boys จC I wonder how he is going with the new girlfriend; I hope he is feeling better after having the flu, I wonder how he is going at his new job; or I am cursing one or the other for not responding to my calls, SMS, or Snapchat.

You'd think with the volume of communication channels available to parents to reach their children, the kids would respond. Nope, wishful thinking.

I'm not ashamed to say, I have empty nest syndrome and I'm living with it. Since the children have moved out, I have started to find new things to do and reconnected with old interests and hobbies. I'm back swimming after a 25-year hiatus, travelling on my own, and I'm sharing my experiences with you.

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Jason Williamson
Williamson has picked up new hobbies as a way of coping. (Supplied)

My GP suggested I check out the wealth of information online about empty nest syndrome and explore some of the strategies to help me through. Here are a few tips I have implemented

  1. It's OK to feel vulnerable and acknowledge you're not feeling OK
  2. Focus on your needs
  3. Take up new hobbies, learning, and indulge in some self-care
  4. Reshape your relationship with your children as young adults
  5. Coordinate quality time with your children
  6. Connect with other like-minded people
  7. ?Explore time with friends or extended family members
  8. Meet new communities of people
  9. Recognise your achievements as a parent?

If you or someone you know needs immediate or mental health-related support, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or via lifeline.org.au. In an emergency, call 000.

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