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'Leave Hilary alone': Why we need to stop judging older mums

By Heidi Krause|

A?s Hilary Swank today announced she was pregnant at 48 with twins, she joined a growing list of celebrities and public figures to conceive in their 40s.

The actress revealed the news on Good Morning America, describing it as "a blessing" and a "total miracle."

"This is something that I've been wanting for a long time, and my next thing is I'm going to be a mum,?" she gushed to the hosts, beaming with joy.

"And not just of one, but of two. I can't believe it."

Watch the video above.?

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Hilary Swank announces she's pregnant with twins.
Hilary Swank announces she's pregnant with twins. (Getty/Instagram)

As the news ?spread, many people were appropriately thrilled for the expecting mum, who has been open about her desire to have children since 2006.

"Thank you Hilary for being a leader for women out there who will get pregnant in their 40s! (my plan) You rock! I'm so happy for you. You inspire me! Grow twins, grow!," declared one woman on Twitter. "Amazing!"

The two-time Oscar winner is expecting her twins with her husband of four years, social venture entrepreneur Philip Schneider. Sadly, however, judgment from some corners of the internet was also swift and brutal.

"The age-shaming is nasty, insensitive and completely unnecessary."

The parenting police were keen to have their say - and it wasn't very nice.

"Selfish," said one. "She'll be a pensioner before they're 20. Good luck to her." ?

"It can actually be pretty dangerous to have a child after 35. For the baby and the mother," commented another.

"A little old don't you think? I'm 48 and can barely carry my half of a conversation, much less twins," said another.

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'Stop judging'?

?Please, can we just lay off Hilary and be happy for her? And older mums in general, while we are at it? The age-shaming is nasty, insensitive and completely unnecessary.

A pregnancy is considered "geriatric" over the age of 35, and it's a term I genuinely hate. As a "geriatric mother" myself จC I had my first child at 38 and my second when I was 40 จC having a baby "late" was not exactly a choice. ?

I distinctly recall that feeling of panic in my early 30s as I devoured all the research around fertility, just as I emerged from another failed relationship. Freshly single again, I started looking into freezing my eggs, and watched on with quiet jealousy as most of my friends seemed to fall pregnant with ease.

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Writer and mum Heidi Krause opens up about her traumatic first birth
Writer and mum Heidi Krause had her first child at 38. (Supplied)

I knew fertility started to decline after 30, and more significantly over 35. By age 40, the chance of getting pregnant in any monthly cycle is around five per cent. The statistics speak for themselves.

As it turned out, I didn't meet my husband until I was 36. And there was nothing I could do about that. I knew I wanted to be a mum, but I wasn't ready to undergo IVF and find a sperm donor to try and make it happen at that point.

Sometimes, the pieces of life don't fall into place according to some perfect plan.

I have plenty of friends who have spent over 10 years trying to conceive. Their journeys have been heartbreaking and did not always result in a much-longed-for baby at the end.

Heidi Krause - Should I cry in front of my son
(Heidi Krause)

A struggle with infertility can be gruelling and devastating, and everyone should be empowered to become a parent จC or choose not to จC without shame or judgment.

Yes, pregnancies in older women, like Hilary, are considered high-risk. Yes, there is an increased risk of complications, like high blood pressure and gestational diabetes. And yes, Hilary will be in her 60s when her twins are teenagers.

I've no doubt my age didn't help my body's struggle to recover after my first traumatic birth. And sometimes I do wish I was few years younger to physically manage my kids (who are exhausting), and that my own parents were in a position to help.

But being an older parent also has its advantages, and Hilary will be monitored closely throughout her pregnancy, just as I was.

Her children will be loved. Deeply loved. And surely that's the most important thing when it comes to being a parent.

?Congratulations, Hilary. I'm thrilled for you.

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