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Mother-in-law tells new mum to lose baby weight weeks after giving birth

By Naomi White|

When you're recovering from a C-section and have a toddler and a newborn to care for, the last thing many would have time to worry about was their exercise regime.

Unless rocking your baby to sleep or chasing your toddler around, there's not much time to fit in much else in those early weeks.

It would be hoped, too, that any visitors wouldn't be assessing your post-partum body. You know the one that grew and delivered that tiny little human they're holding.

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Her MIL's suggestion sounded helpful, but was conditional on her using the time to exercise. (Getty)

Not so for one woman, who has asked for advice on how to deal with her mother-in-law's incessant hints that she start exercising 10 weeks after giving birth.

Explaining to Slate's Care and Feeding that she was reluctant to push herself so soon after the surgery, she was instead opting for daily walks where she could. But putting her focus instead on bonding as a family was leaving her mother-in-law a little confused.?

When her husband returned to work when their baby was four weeks old, her mother-in-law offered to come over to watch her kids. But instead of this being a time for the mum to catch up on errands or much-needed sleep, it came with a condition.

"After that, the suggestions of what I could do while she watched the kids got more specificกชmaybe I wanted to go to the gym, or on a run or swim or just do a workout downstairs uninterrupted, but never a trip to the grocery store or to just take a nap!," she explained.

"At first I laughed it off and told her I hadn't even been cleared for physical activity outside of walking yet and wouldn't be until my eight-week postpartum appointment. After that appointment, her offers increased to nearly every day, again always suggesting physical activities I could go complete."

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The mum wanted to spend her time adjusting to life as a family of four. (Getty Images/iStockphoto)

When the mum finally took her up on the offer, her mother-in-law called her husband apparently elated she would be going to the gym, only to be 'disappointed' when she found out she'd actually be getting a haircut.

"I asked him to please address her apparent obsession with me getting back to the gym as apparently me speaking to her wasn't getting through. He called her to talk about it, and she told him that I've 'always been so in-shape that she's really concerned about seeing me this way' and is sure I am not happy with myself and should be working on it to avoid issues like depression."

"He shut her down and told her there is nothing wrong with my body as it is and that she needs to stop commenting on it, which I really appreciate."

The mum was now screening her calls but asked for help in finding a long-term solution.?

Slate's agony aunt Emily McComb empathised with her situation, saying some people didn't know how to handle 'a woman who is happy with her body'. ?

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Her MIL tried to argue she was trying to protect her DIL's mental health. (Getty)

"The troll in me wants to tell you to take her up on her babysitting offers so you can go places other than the gym, like, I don't know, The Cheesecake Factory? (They have a lot of kinds of cheesecake, you'll love it)," she joked.

"Moving your body is obviously great and good for you, but it really doesn't sound like it's your physical health (and certainly not your mental health!) your mother-in-law is worried about. Your decision to prioritise this precious and fleeting time with your new baby over doing an hour on the Stairmaster is a perfectly good and reasonable decision."

She also praised her husband for standing up for her and enforcing boundaries, but cautioned she may need to have the same conversation with her MIL herself.

?"If it turns out that she is still not willing to respect your clearly stated boundary, you're under no obligation to spend any more time with her than is absolutely necessary. Respecting our boundaries is just the price of doing business with us."

Adding given she had a healthy body image, she should be careful not to allow her MIL's rhetoric around her children.

"Shut it down, politely but firmly, before it becomes a bigger issue."

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