'Please do not say this one thing to new mums'

If there is one phrase that should be illegal to say to a new mother, it is 'sleep when the baby sleeps'.?

This piece of advice has been handed down from generation to generation - but it really is useless and impractical. And yet we keep hearing it. ?

While it seems like a harmless, and even potentially helpful, thing to say, it caused me a lot of anxiety and stress when I was a first-time new mum - something I am still battling with.?

Becoming a mum is all sorts of crazy. In those first few weeks of life with my baby boy Noah I was trying to recover from birth, figure out how to keep a tiny human alive and attempting to keep my own sanity and mental health in check.?

All at the same time.?

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I'd lay down after spending 30 minutes rocking and patting Noah to sleep only to have my mind racing at a million miles an hour thinking about the next sleep and the next feed.?

I'd get to the end of the day and leap into bed after counting out how many hours of sleep I may get before his next wake, only to lay there wide-eyed asking myself whether I thought he fed enough that day.?

I was riddled with anxiety about every aspect of Noah's life and well-being and it was exhausting.?

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I just could not shut it off and I could not get any proper rest - leading to some very tiring days and nights.? And people telling me I had to try and get that rest while Noah was resting didn't help. The pressure made it worse.?

Now 18 months on, while my sleep has certainly improved, I am still battling a lot of issues around it.?

The stressful thoughts and worries are always there, and seem to love to shave off an hour or two from what could be a nice long sleep each night.?

A cry in the middle of the night from Noah will trigger my anxiety in a way that makes going back to sleep seem near impossible.?

I've even formed a bizarre 'ritual' when it comes to checking on him each night before I go to bed - something that could be veering into dangerously obsessive territory.?

Over a year has passed since I first became a mum - enough is enough. Especially considering baby number two is on the way.?

It's time I put my health first and deal with these sleep issues before they become worse.?

I would sure love to peacefully sleep when my baby sleeps, I just can't seem to figure out how.?

Join me as I sit down with Dr Charise this week on Come To Therapy With Me, to find out what tools can help me take back control and master the art of the shut-eye.

Join Nikolina as she opens up her heart and her mind. Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts or wherever you find your podcasts.

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