Five mums you¡¯ll always run in to at school drop off

So what if my daughter¡¯s braids are bumpy and we haven¡¯t made the dinosaur diorama? Can it lady.

1. The privileged oblivious

When you ask this mum how she is, she starts telling you how stressful it¡¯s been unpacking from her Aspen trip. She¡¯s oblivious to the fact you¡¯ve just spent your last $20 buying ham, bread rolls and juice at the convenient store for the morning lunchboxes. Her outfit is expensively effortless with no visible branding (think The Row tee-shirts and Rag & Bone skinnies). She always tells you how cute you look, before she has to race off to meet the delivery man bringing her handcrafted daybed from Indonesia. Although you¡¯ve hosted her child seventeen times in your hovel, her sprawling mansion is conveniently out-of-bounds because the hedges are being trimmed or the floors are being polished.

2. The tiger mum

These Mums volunteer in the classroom so they can suss out how sucky your kid is at absolutely everything. They grill you about what reading level your child is on, and jabber on about how there¡¯s not enough homework at the school. They insist on giving you the name of a fabulous tutor ?- or tell you how you must enrol your child in this cutting-edge intensive learning course over the school holidays. She is not interested in fashion and seems to be dressed in an indistinguishable dark superhero-esque suit - probably so she can leap from one enlightening extra-curricular activity to another.

3. The bourgeoisie set

You¡¯ll recognise these mothers immediately due to their huge, space-invading bendy straw hats, peasant skirts, linen shopping bags with shallots sticking out and obligatory ballet flats. These mothers have a smug stay-at-home vibe and help out at bake stalls, craft days and sing in the choir. They don¡¯t wear a scrap of makeup and tend to cycle their kids to school in enormous carts attached to the back of pastel bicycles. Their children, named Orson and Violet, love kale chips and are banned from digital devices for life.

4. The I-don¡¯t-know-how-she-does-it mum

This mother is so astonishingly busy, but simultaneously well put-together it¡¯s utterly baffling. She has four children, two schnoodles, a banker husband who is constantly travelling, a full-time career as a lawyer and runs the P&F. She has that uncrumpled look and no-nonsense attitude that makes you feel like the incapable loser-mother you always suspected you were. She¡¯s super nice, super smart but damaging to your fragile self-esteem. Her kids are super nice, super smart and damaging to your kids¡¯ fragile self-esteem. She¡¯s the mum running the Kiss¡¯n¡¯Go zone with military precision in a fluoro vest and Scanlan and Theodore slacks, while you¡¯re racing back through the gates in drop-crotch pants with your child¡¯s forgotten laptop and a crying toddler in tow.

5. The fitspo mum

You¡¯re constantly sucking your tummy in whenever you walk past this mum and telling your kid to hide their on-the-go breakfast of croissants and chocolate milk. She wore active wear when it wasn¡¯t considered everyday apparel, and drops her kids at before-school-care so she can do a back-to-back session at the gym. On the weekends you sometimes see her sprinting with a pram and serious expression while you¡¯re driving to get milk. She never ever orders tuckshop for her children and is campaigning to get rid of Fun Food Friday. When you run into her you find yourself blathering incoherently about how you can¡¯t train because of a bad knee and why you think sugar in lunchboxes is really, really dangerous.?