New mum's fury as husband puts name she did not agree with on birth certificate
By Merryn Porter |
Agreeing on the name for a child can be tough, but most couples end up getting there in the end.
However, one new mum has taken to the internet for advice after her husband went behind her back when choosing a name for their long-awaited first child.
A woman who called herself ThrowRA-599701 took to reddit this week to ask "Am I the A---hole for refusing to speak to my husband until he change the name he put on our son's birth certificate?"
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The woman explained that after waiting five years to finally get pregnant with their son, she ended up in an argument with her husband over what they would call him.
"There was so much fuss about the name choice because my in-laws wanted to use my deceased brother-in-law's name. My husband sided with them and insisted we go with it, but seeing their obsession with it I refused" she wrote, before adding her husband eventually sat with her and "agreed on a name we both chose."
"When I was at the hospital, I had dealt with some complications, and I had to extend my stay since I had to get blood transfusion as well," she continued adding it was left to her husband to handle the paperwork.
"However, when we received the birth certificate, I discovered that he put brother-in-law's name and not the one we picked," she said. "I lost it and had a breakdown, then I shut down completely. I stopped talking to him after telling him that I won't speak to him until he change the name.
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"He kept saying 'good riddance' at first but slowly started complaining about how my silence has been wearing him down. Days went by. He's now turned to full-on begging me to speak to him over and over.
"He said he had to do this otherwise his family were going to shun him. He handed me a paper with all the 'pros' of keeping this name, explaining that our son will be the 'golden grandchild' and my in-laws will favour him over the other grandchildren because of his name" and this would bring "endless privileges like college fund, car, inheritance and will be loved unconditionally" because he has his uncle's name.
The woman continued that she didn't want her son to be a surrogate for her dead brother-in-law and found the whole situation sad because her husband always sought his family's approval even though his dead brother was his parents' favourite.
"He offered me endless nicknames, second middle name choice, but I wasn't having it," she said. "Eventually, he broke down crying last night calling me stubborn and difficult, also called me selfish, robbing our son of a good life and good future provided by his grandparents and said I was driving him crazy with my silence. But I feel like this too serious to let go.
"I'm just doing it for my son. Am I wrong for choosing this as my hill to die on?"
The post drew thousands of comments in just one day, with almost all saying she was not in the wrong.
Many were horrified that he went behind her back while she was in such a fragile state. Others pointed to her in-laws' unhealthy obsession with their dead son and how it affected their other son.
"Your husband went behind your back and chose this name without your consent. He ignored your wishes and what the two of you agreed upon to appease people who aren't part of your relationship and grandparents who are choosing to conditionally love the child," one wrote. "The part where he waited until you were drugged, weak and unaware is a level of betrayal and disgust that is unforgivable."
"This baby will forever be in the shadow of a dead relative he never met, constantly being compared to his dead uncle for his entire life," wrote another. "Stick to your decision and change the name. Your child deserves his own name and life."
"If his entire family shuns him over a name choice, they are not worth having in his life," wrote another. "If his parents only treat this grandchild as important because of his name, they don't deserve to be grandparents. And it sounds like he's trying to manipulate his family for money."
"It cannot be emphasised enough that he did this behind her back when she was having traumatic complications during what is already an incredibly vulnerable time," wrote another. "He broke her trust at a time she most needed him to be there for her, and instead he betrayed her for his family. Absolutely awful," said another.
"Exactly! She had complications that required a blood transfusion and extra care, on top of giving birth, which is traumatic on its own. He used her complications as a way to get what he wanted behind her back. I wouldn't trust this guy with anything ever again," wrote another.
Another said he had taken "what was supposed to be one of the most wonderful moments of her life and ruined it," while someone else described it as a "huge betrayal, and frankly, he's getting off lightly with the silent treatment."
"I'm terrified for any future children you may have if you decide to keep this name for your baby. They will be the golden grandchild and any subsequent children are treated as less than. Your husband is asking for resentment within potential siblings let alone any cousins that may exist," wrote another.
Others suggested her husband seek help. "There are likely some deep childhood issues that are coming out here. Unless you're ready for a divorce, this might be a good time to insist on both couples counseling and solo therapy for him," wrote one.
Others suggested she "see a lawyer" about getting the baby's name changed to the one they agreed on.
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