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'I'm ashamed to have a cleaner': Working mum's heartbreaking confession

By Jo Abi|

Mum guilt has got to stop

Working parents are set up to fail, or at least that's what it feels like to so many mums and dads juggling to meet the demands of modern life.

According to the latest statistics, working mums are still copping the brunt of household duties which is making the balance even harder.

A?recent mumsnet post has broken hearts around the world with a working mum confessing she feels like she's "failing at everything".

In the latest episode of Honey Mums, Deb Knight talks to Nine's Leila McKinnon about her family sea change. (Article continues.)

"After yet another weekend spent doing life admin and feeling like I have failed at literally everything -- motherhood, work, family, wife -- I'd be grateful for tips about what to do to make life easier," she writes.

"We both work full time, but my commute is less, so I leave the house at 7.30, drop the kids off at breakfast club and in the office by 8.45," she says.

The overloaded working mum then explains she leaves work by 5.15pm, is home by 6.30pm, makes a quick dinner, barely has time to clean the house, then bath time and reading, and as the post continues, it is clear she is at breaking point.

(mumsnet)

"I collapse at around 8pm," she says. "Up at 5.30am to tidy and sort lunches etc. I just feel like I am doing everything badly."

As the comments began to flood the forum, it quickly became clear there are hundreds of working mums out there struggling to keep up with the demands of modern life.

One of the first reply came from another working mum who writes, "I'm ashamed to admit we have a cleaner. Two hours a fortnight. She's wonderful and a godsend. But it's scraping the surface really."

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And while the woman is attempting to offer advice to the original poster, it's her choice of phrase, "I'm ashamed to admit," that nails the real issue behind the struggles of most modern working mums.

The guilt. The shame. The unrealistic expectations. The feelings of failure. The loneliness. The isolation. The hopelessness.

As the comments continued, it became clear that the only way most modern parents can ease the burden is to accept more help in the home, whether it be paid or unpaid, preferably with no shame and guilt free.

The conversation makes it clear that the worst of the shaming is coming from the mums themselves. (Getty )

Why should working parents feel any sort of shame for hiring help so they can stay on top of their crazy lives?

That's exactly what majority of responses say, with suggestions the working mum embrace "as many short cuts" as she can, including not ironing.

"I did online shopping this week for school-themed costumes and thought it was the best thing ever," one woman says, adding that she plans to accept her DH's [dear husband's] offer to cook dinner a few nights a week, even though he's "bloody awful" at it.

Another forum user suggests she increase the cleaner's visits from fortnightly to weekly, drop bathing the kids back to every second night and separate laundry baskets so dirty clothing is pre-sorted ahead of being put in the washing machine.

"And yes to getting him to cook," she adds. "Can't go wrong with a spaghetti bolognese or chilli and rice."

"Delegate some tasks to him," suggests another forum user. "Online shopping. Up the cleaner's hours. Don't iron. Buy bulk presents for parties."

While these are the best of the practical suggestions, the forum conversation ends with working parents supporting each other with words of comfort.

Modern parenting is so incredibly hard and many of us feel like utter failures.

While hiring cleaners and pre-sorting laundry and accepting any and all offers of help from those close to us, the best lesson from the forum is to give YOURSELF a break.

Banish any feelings of failure and shame.

When you consider what modern parents are expected to achieve in a day, it quickly becomes clear the bar is set way too high.

End every day by congratulating yourself on what you did get done, because you are doing your best, you are amazing, and tomorrow is another day.

Share your story by sending an email to Jo Abi at jabi@nine.com.au or via Twitter @joabi or Instagram @joabi961

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