Mum and widow Julie Kent lost her army veteran husband on Remembrance Day
By April Glover|
Mum-of-two and widow Julie Kent knows precisely how it can feel to be drowning in grief.
The Brisbane hairdresser's beloved husband Raymond จC also known as Flash to his colleagues, friends and family จC served in the Australian troops in Somalia and Timor in the 1990s and 2000s.
Julie was always enormously proud of Raymond's dedication and loyalty, which she hoped he would pass on to their two boys; Jack and Thomas.?
As she tells 9Honey, her sons have grown up without their father and she lost the love of her life 14 years ago, poignantly, on Remembrance Day 2008.
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"We actually met in Townsville just before he went to Somaliaกญ so I understood and knew what I was signing up for from the start of our relationship," Julie recalls.
"He was excited to go over to Somalia and serve his country. And I remember saying to him once, 'Why would you be excited?' And he told me, 'Julie, imagine training to be a hairdresser and never getting to cut hair. This is what we do. If our country needs us, that's what we do'."
They don't remember the man he was or the man I married, because he was so different after his stroke
It was Raymond's pride and love for his country which inspired Julie to stay hopeful during his long months away from home.
Back in the '90s, Julie says, you couldn't just jump on Facebook Messenger or send a text to keep in touch. Instead, she had to wait weeks for a single letter to arrive.
"You just waited for the mail bag to finally come, and there was so much lag time between sending letters and getting a reply," she says.
"Then you'd see things on television [about the war zone]. It wasn't easy."
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Julie and Raymond's love remained strong throughout his time in Somalia. They went on to marry and have a family, before he served in Timor in the 2000s.
It was an entirely different experience having her husband away while juggling two young children, she says. It was almost a test-run for single parenthood.
"It was frustrating and even with day-to-day things I couldn't shareกญ I couldn't even pick up the phone and ring him. There was just no contact," Julie says.
"You are pretty much a single parent during that time. The positive side is he was earning income for his family, of course it's bigger than all that, but it was hard."
Not long after Raymond returned back to Australia, he suffered a life-altering stroke. Julie's boys were aged just four and eight at the time.
The Australian veteran changed irrevocably after this devastating stroke, including losing his ability to speak.
"Jack and Thomas were so young when they had his stroke and I realise they actually don't have a lot of conscious memory of him," Julie says sadly.
"They don't remember the man he was or the man I married, because he was so different after his stroke."
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Upon Ray's return from Timor and prior to his stroke, doctors had flagged some issues with his heart.
Julie says her husband was undeniably "stressed" after serving overseas จC but she knows there was so much he never chose to share.
Following his stroke, Ray was put on the heart transplant list. For four years he fought hard. But on November 11, 2008, he sadly passed away from a blood infection.
"I was due to pick him up, and we all spoke to him on the Monday night and I said, 'I'll see you in the morning'," Julie remembers.
"Around five o'clock in the morningกญ the hospital called and asked me to come and walk into a room that I just didn't want to walk into.?
"It was a devastating drive home to tell my boys that their daddy had died. And that was on November 11. Remembrance Day."
Ray served in the army for 20 years and he died on one of the most important days for Australian troops.?
Julie thinks her late husband would have enjoyed this little detail. "He had the most wonderful sense of humour," she says. "It was like when he left, he thought 'I'll make sure you don't forget!'"
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Each time November 11 rolls around, it is a tough day for the Kent family. It never gets easier, however thankfully, Julie and her sons have had an incredible support system in the form of Legacy Brisbane.
Legacy was founded in 1923 on a single promise made from one Aussie digger to another: "Look after the missus and kids"
The Queensland chapter of the non-profit organisation, which supports the families of fallen troops, provided invaluable support for the young family as they struggled with the difficult loss.
"Legacy gave us a soft place to fall," Julie says gratefully. "It was like this hand reached out to give us a hug and say, 'We've got you',"
Legacy provided the Kent's with weekend's away, childcare, camps, emotional support and friendship.
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"Everyone is so empathetic to our journey and we are all connected by this one thing," she adds.
Raymond's legacy also lives on in the form of his sons. Jack, 25, is following in his dad's footsteps, joining the army too after joining at age 17, just like his father.
Thomas, 21, was also given invaluable help and support from legacy after losing a parent at such a young age.
"They say it takes a village to raise a child," Julie adds. "Well I'll tell you what, it took a village to raise mine, and Legacy was part of that village."
To help Legacy look after veterans' families today, head to www.legacy.com.au/legacy-week to donate.
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