Nine reporter Brittany Hoskins: 'Why I didn't enjoy pregnancy, and why I'll do it all over again'

As my daughter's first birthday approaches, I find myself looking back ¨C as I'm assuming most mums do ¨C at life before baby. When she was still in my belly and we were still sleeping.

A time full of anticipation, anxiety and excitement as we counted down the days to my due date, decorated her room and raced to the shops for more singlets, bibs and nappies.

I remember the way my heart would skip a beat with every cramp or spasm, as I wondered 'Is this it?! Is it time?' I also remember 'lightning crotch' and indigestion, feeling out of breath walking to the letter box, being unable to shave my legs or tie my laces.

Above all, I remember thinking 'I can't wait for this to be over'.

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?Here's the thing: Pregnancy is hard¡­ really hard. And its challenges aren't spoken about anywhere near enough.

It's a privilege to be pregnant, I know that. I've had family and friends struggle to conceive. Women I know who can't conceive at all. It's not lost on me how lucky I was to carry my baby. But it doesn't make it any easier.

Every woman's experience is different. For me, it began with sore breasts and exhaustion. I'm lucky, I didn't suffer from morning sickness so aside from having to buy new bras and feeling extremely tired, I initially felt pretty good.

"I was a pregnant person who didn't want to be treated like a pregnant person."?

Sadly, it didn't last. Towards the end of my first trimester I was having difficulty walking. It seemed so strange, how could I be in so much pain, so early on? The answer: Pelvic girdle pain. It sucks. All of a sudden, I went from being extremely active to struggling to stand.

Scaling back exercise didn't sit well with me. It's a tool I use to keep my mental health in check and when it was taken away, I didn't cope. It didn't help that I already felt out of control in my body and was beginning to shudder at the sight of it.

My breasts had gone from a C to an F cup and I found my growing belly gross. Don't get me wrong, I love baby bumps, I just didn't love one on me.

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I would compare myself to other women and felt like mine wasn't up to standard, that's my level of insecurity. And when people would say 'Oh my gosh, look how much you've grown', I found it confronting, not complimentary.

I'm putting on weight every damn day, which goes against what we as women have been conditioned to see as acceptable. Everything about pregnancy goes against society's standards of beauty, and I'm supposed to love it? Nothing fits, it feels like an alien has taken over my body and I'm expected to 'glow'.

Pregnancy also shouldn't be an open invitation for people to comment on your body or touch you. I couldn't believe how many strangers grabbed my belly. While I know it's only ever well intended, remarks such as, 'You're so big' or, 'You're so small' could be replaced with, 'How are you feeling?'.

And it should be OK if the answer isn't a 'I'm great'. We need to stop guilting women into lying; the majority probably feel sloppy, sore and sick of it.

As my pregnancy progressed, the pelvic girdle pain didn't improve. Looking back, I probably pushed myself too much. I didn't want people to think I was weak. I was a pregnant person who didn't want to be treated like a pregnant person.

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It's all anyone wants to talk to you about, which can take a toll on your sense of self. By keeping quiet about the severity of my symptoms, maybe people would see me as my usual self, if only briefly.

I ended up finishing work with five weeks to go as I was uncomfortable and struggling with severe anxiety, particularly around my appearance. Changing a thousand times before I left the house was part of my daily routine.

I'd look longingly at my old clothes and get angry, thinking 'Why do I have to be the one to have the baby? Why can't men do it, this is so unfair!'

"Let's allow women to be raw and real and talk about all parts of pregnancy; the good, the bad and the ugly."

It was around this time 'lightening crotch' joined my pelvic girdle pain in causing me grief. A quick sharp, shooting sensation to the vagina. My iron was low, so I was given an infusion, although I'm not sure it made much difference to how exhausted I felt.

People tell you to 'sleep now' ¨C ironic, as it's probably the most difficult time to get a good rest. You can't get comfortable and you need to pee every five minutes.

How are you meant to get a decent night's sleep when your back and ribs hurt and your skin itches from stretching?

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It's not all doom and gloom. Pregnancy was the one time throughout my life I didn't suffer regular headaches (although for some women it's the opposite). You don't have to worry about your period and hangovers are a thing of the past (although, at times I'd have killed for a drink).

Then there's the first time your baby kicks... now, that's something! My husband and I would sit, mesmerised, as she rolled, kicked and punched. It's so cool. It's truly an amazing part of being a woman to be able to grow a human.

While I didn't enjoy it or like how my body looked, I'm so grateful I had the opportunity. I'm grateful to my body, and in awe of it. And yes, I'll do it again. My daughter's worth it. Any child is worth it and having her has changed my life in the best possible way.

All I want is for women to be able to open up like this, without judgement. Let's allow women to be raw and real and talk about all parts of pregnancy; the good, the bad and the ugly.

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