'Wanted to rip my skin off': One in five women, like Mel, experience 'awful' breastfeeding challenge
By Heidi Krause|
When Melissa Morns sat breastfeeding one of her babies in 2013, she suddenly felt an overwhelming surge of anger and wanted to 'throw her baby onto the sofa'.
The Sydney mum was tandem breastfeeding a newborn and toddler at the time, after having three babies in three years.
?"It made my skin crawl," she tells 9Honey. "I had no idea what was happening or why."
But then the next feed with her newborn, she felt totally fine. ?
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Morns, who had just completed a Masters in Public Health, was so confronted by the experience, she started researching and trying to find any information she could.
"There was nothing... and so I decided to start an online support group. I thought 'maybe it's not just me. Maybe there are other people going through this'."
Since 2013, the tiny group has grown enormously. Many women shared their experiences of a similar feeling of aversion when breastfeeding. ?
"It was amazing to see how many women were suffering in silence... and the desperation we were all feeling. I just wanted to do something to help."?
Morns was so intrigued and ?concerned by what she found, she decided to explore the phenomena and began researching 'breastfeeding aversion response (BAR)'.
In fact, she has just completed her PhD at the University of Technology, Sydney (UTS) and uncovered some surprising and fascinating results.?
"BAR is an overwhelming sensation and strong urge to unlatch while breastfeeding that some women described as a skin-crawling feeling," Morns explains.
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"Often women will use the word 'throw' จC 'I wanted to throw my child onto the sofa and run out of the room'.
"Many women find this experience overwhelming and confusing, it conflicts with their desire to breastfeed and can trigger feelings of anxiety, guilt, and shame."
Consequently, many women with this breastfeeding challenge 'suffer alone' and in isolation.
For some mothers it can be visceral, like "fingernails down a chalkboard".
Many women Morn interviewed in her 2022 study described it as "intense":
"I wanted to throw him across the room. I would say to my husband just get him away, get him off me, get him off me [sic]. My internal thoughts were just so awful."
"It was both a mental and physical feeling like you want to throw your child off. You just can't feel this feeling like you've got something crawling underneath your entire skin, that's why this felt like you wanted to rip your skin off and just, you know, escape it."
"Anxiety in the pit of your stomach or the anger. Like the anger that you feel that this is happening and you can't do anything to stop it. [...] It makes your blood shiver. It makes me shiver, it makes me feel like there's something crawling on me and I just can't get away."
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Morn's most recent study, which surveyed more than 5,500 Australian women currently breastfeeding, also found that it was far more common than previously recognised.
One in five women experience feelings of aversion during breastfeeding.
"Our research team ?were surprised the figures were so high, but actually that is an under estimate as we didn't survey women who stopped breastfeeding for some reason."
The study, published in Maternal and Child Nutrition, also found that more than 95 per cent of the women surveyed encountered additional breastfeeding challenges such as sore nipples, insufficient or excessive milk supply, and poor latch.
"That means only 4.5 per cent had no challenges at all," Morns explains.
"We also know that when women are not able to achieve their personal breastfeeding goals, they are more likely to experience depression."
The research also found that BAR can affect mother-child bonds, and have a negative very negative impact on the woman's relationship with their partner.
"It doesn't just affect them, but their relationship," Morn explains. ?
"And one of the things that really came out from the in-depth interviews we conducted is just how isolated women felt and how much shame and guilt they felt.
"Even elderly women who carried these emotions and stories within themselves for years, and never spoke about it."?
At this point, Morn says they don't know what causes breastfeeding aversion response or whether it is linked to hormones, nutritional status, or evolutionary and genetic factors.
However, there are some strategies that can help women overcome BAR including personal distractions (such as looking at their phone), taking a magnesium supplement (this needs more research), and setting gentle breastfeeding boundaries with older nurslings.
"The support of a partner can also play a crucial role," Morn adds. "For many women, knowing that they are not alone and that this is a shared experience can help them build resilience, and can minimise feelings of guilt and shame."
Ultimately, Morn hopes her research will help women continue to breastfeed if they want to.
"My hope is that general practitioners, midwives and lactation consultants can gain a deeper understanding of the scale and nature of this phenomenon, so that when they see someone in their clinic who is experiencing it, they can offer timely and tailored support," she said.
The World Health Organisation recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months due to the numerous health benefits it offers both mothers and babies.
However, Australian statistics reveal around 30 per cent of women discontinue breastfeeding within the first four months for a multitude of reasons. Ultimately, 'fed is best'. ?
A GP, Child Health Nurse, the Australian Breastfeeding Association or an accredited lactation consultant can provide support.
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