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Toni fell pregnant through IVF while her husband was dying of bowel cancer

By Heidi Krause|

What happens when you're diagnosed with cancer just as you're trying to start a family?

For Sydney couple Toni and Chris, fertility treatment was the last thing on their mind when they decided to have a baby. However, a sudden diagnosis of bowel cancer changed everything.

"He had some abdominal pain, but we thought it was ?reflux or indigestion," Toni tells 9Honey. "So he was put on reflex meds which seemed to ease the symptoms for a while."

"But then the pain came back."

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Sydney couple Toni and Chris Bird before he was diagnosed with bowel cancer (left)
Sydney couple Toni and Chris Bird before he was diagnosed with bowel cancer (left) (Supplied)

After a trip to emergency, doctors still weren't too concerned. Chris was young and they thought it might be appendicitis. But then, the scan results came back.

It turned out that Chris, then just 45 years old, had Stage 4 bowel cancer. ?

"He had a large tumour on his bowel that was so big he ended up with a bowel blockage. And his bowel started to split," Toni explains. "?He also had five smaller tumours in his liver."

The couple was devastated. ?

"Because Chris was so young it was a shock," Toni recalls. "But it seems early onset bowel cancer is becoming increasingly common.

"And because the symptoms are so easily passed off as a less serious condition, like an upset tummy, it tends to present at a very advanced stage. Just like it did for Chris."

Chris needed to start chemotherapy immediately and the couple was told they'd need to freeze his sperm if they had any chance of having a baby.

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Chris passed away three months after Matilda was born
Chris passed away three months after Matilda was born (Supplied)

After eight months of aggressive chemotherapy and complex surgery, with thanks to an incredible doctor at St George Hospital, Chris was declared cancer free.

And so the pair prepared for the IVF process at The Royal Hospital for Women in Randwick.

But in another blow, just three days after Toni commenced IVF treatment, Chris was told his cancer had returned and that he only had six months to live.

"We were told a cure was no longer an option?," Toni recalls. "The only thing left was surgery to try and reduce the cancer and palliative chemo."

The couple then had to make the harrowing decision of whether to continue trying for their much-longed-for baby.

"I was very aware of what the chances would be for Chris to survive and so it was an extremely difficult decision to make, to bring a baby into the world," said Toni.

"But for us to have the chance to share any of the parenthood journey together, be it scans, pregnancy and, God willing, the birth of our child, was worth it."

The couple was also grateful to receive free counselling from the Royal ?to help them make their decision.

Chris and Toni Bird with baby Matilda
Chris Martin and Toni Bird with baby Matilda (Instagram)

Toni attended many IVF appointments alone as Chris was too sick. Despite being incredibly weak and facing complications from chemo, he helped her with injections.

In July 2021, the couple found out they were expecting a child after their second round of IVF.

It was a race against the clock. A race for me to fall pregnant and a race for Chris to stay alive for as long as possible.

"It was a race against the clock. A race for me to fall pregnant and a race for Chris to stay alive for as long as possible.

"Every moment he was able to be there for, every scan, ?was a blessing."

"But it was incredibly gruelling. For someone on end-of-life care, the treatment journey is not an easy one.

"He was very vulnerable to infections throughout that time. There were so many complications, multiple ICU visits and surgeries not related to cancer. In fact, he had 60 weeks in hospital all up.

"It was a real rollercoaster." ?

Chris had three moths with baby Matilda before he passed away
Chris had three moths with baby Matilda before he passed away (Instagram)

Chris defied all medical odds and was there for baby Matilda's birth in April 2022. Her name means Mighty Warrior of Light.

"He fought so hard to make it to the birth. He was determined."

"The hospital was incredible and very supportive. Chris was admitted under respite care when I went into labour so he could be there and participate as much as possible.

"They even had an extra bed in the room with me as by that stage he was so weak and couldn't stand for more than 30 seconds at a time."

Toni was able to have a water birth and spent 10 days in hospital, as there was no one to help look after her and Tilly.

"Watching him enjoy her was the happiest time of my life and now that he is gone, having her is the greatest gift he could have ever given me."

"My mum was looking after my grandma who was critically ill, so they made sure I was okay and ready to go home," she says.

As a family, along with Chris' older daughter Ella, they enjoyed three months together before Chris passed away.

"Watching him enjoy her was the happiest time of my life and now that he is gone, having her is the greatest gift he could have ever given me," says Toni.

"He did spend a lot of time sleeping in that three months, but I just know he adored her. His two girls were his world."?

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"He adored her."
"He adored her." (Supplied)

During her pregnancy, Toni was, remarkably, also studying speech therapy full-time, as well as helping to look after her grandparents, two of which also had terminal cancer.

"My grandad passed away the February before Tilly was born, and my grandma passed away the day before Chris. So she was also able to meet Tilly," a stoic Toni continues. ?

"Chris and I had made a firm decision together, that I was going to continue uni while I was pregnant. If I was going to be a single mum it was important I finish."

"Much of my study was done at Chris' bedside. I graduated at the end of last year, so it was a race to make that happen as well."?

Little Matilda, who has just turned one, brought not just Chris, but the entire family so much joy at such a difficult time.

Toni with Chris' eldest daughter and baby Tilly.
Toni with Chris' eldest daughter and baby Tilly. (Supplied)

"She really is the most amazing gift. She brought so much light and joy to us all when it was really easy to not have any."

"She is the most resilient and happy little baby."?

Such a precious gift would not have been possible without the Royal Hospital for Women Foundation, which provides support and funding for fertility research and Oncofertility.

"We are able to provide cancer patients with hope for the future."

The Royal is a public hospital and Oncofertility IVF treatment is free for patients.

"We are able to provide cancer patients with hope for the future," Professor Bill Ledger, Head and Professor of Obstetrics and Gynaecology at the Royal Hospital for Women, tells 9Honey. "If a cancer patient wants to preserve their fertility, their financial background doesn't matter, the service is accessible for any person with cancer."

For Professor Ledger and his team, providing this program is one of the "most rewarding" parts of his job?.

"The whole team is very proud of the fact that we can help people with cancer to have a chance of getting back to normal life," he said.

"It's a real privilege to be able to help. When going through the dark days of chemotherapy the thought of eggs of embryos provide a little ray of sunshine in their lives."

Toni Bird and Tilly, who just turned one.
Toni Bird and Tilly, who just turned one. (Supplied)

Toni is forever grateful for the Oncofertility program. ?

"Had this program not existed Tilly would not be here today. It is that clear cut," she tells 9Honey. "It's not something we would have been able to entertain at all because we wouldn't have been able to afford it."

In June, the Foundation's biggest annual fundraiser, Heart for Her, is taking place with all money raised going back into funding medical equipment and treatment for women at all stages of life, whatever their circumstances.

"It's important to know there are options and a cancer diagnosis does not have to be the end of your baby journey."

Tony is incredibly passionate about raising awareness about the program at the Royal, and others like it around the country, and that there are fertility options in the face of a cancer diagnosis.

"I just want more people to know about it. I think it's quite widely known among women with breast cancer, but not something many males think about." ?

"It's important to know there are options and a cancer diagnosis does not have to be the end of your baby journey." ?

And while she maintains that it was a tough decision, knowing she was bringing a child into the world as a single parent, it was 'absolutely the right one'.

"Early onset bowel cancer does happen," she states. "But despite the challenging journey you can still live a life and move mountains. And yo?u can still create life."

"Tilly is the best thing we could have ever done."?

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